Who would have thought that being completely free is the most terrifying feeling in the world..
I’m petrified! The panic around any question on what’s next, or where you going? what you doing? it all sends cold sweats to my heart...or more so my mind!
Here i am, bags packed after an amazing Mexican adventure on a yacht,
I’m back to being “homeless", jobless, sadly single, just a free girl carrying her backpack from one “home” to the next…
This is the freedom journey, the one you read about, hear about, watched movies about, and dreamt about. Here it is!! You're in it!
~ i can literally do whatever i want, go wherever i want, meet whom ever i want, explore all day, live out any dream i wish, and yet, I’m so terrified i feel i can’t move.
Damnit, What’s so scary lu? is it the freedom of choice or the endless opportunities to literally take your life in any direction you wish?
Come on!! It’s taken hours , weeks, months, years, oh boy, it's taken some serious time for all this unconditioning, all that emptying to reach this blank space, this nothingness, this feeling of endless possibility, and yet, i feel i want to scurry back to structure, rush back to comfort and the security of plans! ~huh!!!???
wtf, all the hours of reading books like “the unthered soul “, "freedom by osho” ,"becoming fearless”, "the alchemist”, "women who run with the wolves” and the dozen others, all the hours working on myself , learning to detach, to find ease and comfort in being alone, to be ok with less, live simply, think less and do more, all this work of stripping down to just being me,
it's done, here i stand,
i'm in this empty space, standing and wondering, i'm tripping on the now what question?
I’m here.. is this it? is this the space, the bliss of freedom?
let me check the list again..
I have no address- tick
I have a few simple possessions- tick
no partner, dog or cat- tick
many aspirations and endless dreams,- tick
a passport- tick
the health and ability to move my body- tick
uhm..so i have the list and the ticks to match, and it's what I’ve been waiting for, the freedom to do whatever i want, so why do i feel so damn terrified?
WELL, i tell you what, it's an interesting space to be in,
and i’m not quite sure of the answer yet, but, what I’m slowly figuring out,
is that i can’t figure it out,
and it's not meant to be figured out,
so ill stop trying to figure it out.
it doesn’t want to be figured out.
Freedom is a choice,
It’s a space and a discipline to hold once you within that space.
Once you feel you’ve attained it, it's a discipline to stay there, a space not to know more , or want to know more, or need to know more,
A space where you don’t have the answers for tomorrow, and a space not to worry about the fact that you don’t have the answers.
It's not meant to be a worry space, but rather a space to imagine and manifest all your desires, manifest your truth day by day, a space for gratefulness. A space to appreciate what each new day brings, a space for surprise, a space for new adventure, a space for challenge , a space for growth. It's a space to explore possibility and possibility is not to be feared, its just a space, it's a really safe space when you start making possibility your home.
A home where space is cosy, where space is warm and light and happy.
If you healthy and happy and free today. Doing, living and loving where you are and who you are with, then that freedom, that space for today is the bliss, and that bliss is all yours today, and today is all that matters!
For now, choose to live out this freedom, fearlessly, allowing the bliss of all possibility!
Seeing this new space as home, the space of possibility ,